I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
