This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
