the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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