Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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