Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
