i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
