I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
