So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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