Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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