he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
