Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
