Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
