He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
