EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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