I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
