you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
