If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The adults are the big ones right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
