I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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