I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
