a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
