Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
