i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
