I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
