Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
