eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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