You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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