so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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