My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
