You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
