I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Say something about gay babies.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
