margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
