I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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