Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
