i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
