the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
