I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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