if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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