I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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