Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
