I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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