i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
