There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
