This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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