I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
