I think scott just propositioned me for sex
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
