Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
