Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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