Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
