Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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