Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
