I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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