fuck your aforementioned shoe
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
