This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
