Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
