Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
