I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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