It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
