how can u be prego again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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